2015 review.

*cut my hair. it's amazing how much i had attached to my hair. somehow all of those mary experiences were tied up in that hair. no more. because the hair doesn't matter.
*went to the tracy aviary with the smiley's so britta could see all the birds.
*took tolton on a date to color me mine for his christmas present where he "accidentally" painted on my hand.
*celebrated president's day with donuts for breakfast with friends.
*poker night became a regular thing.
*took a pole dancing class for nicole's birthday. super fun and difficult. glad the room was only filled with friends.
*traveled to goblin valley with brian.
*went to the drum circle with friends.
*found more acquire friends in brian and rob.
*mom redid her kitchen.
*saw "once" exactly 3 years after i saw it the first time on broadway. that music.
*traveled to europe for work. traveled to england (liverpool, manchester, york, billingham, middlesbrough, saltburn, durham, london, preston), isle of mann, iceland, ireland (dublin) and scotland (edingburgh) with chris. went to a real football match and saw the boro win! went to a frankie and the heartstrings concert with andy. ate fresh lobster in iceland with erikur (archivist/ tour guide). ate more chocolate ice cream than should be consumed. got lost with chris while wandering around dublin--8 miles later we got home. ran along the river liffey. caught up with ferne in london and played the day away as tourists and crazy people. took the train to scotland. (over my birthday)
*traveled to new york to visit shanti. we babysat wilde while wandering central park. ate so much delicious food. went to a poetry slam. saw "something rotten" with dan. played acquire. ate delicious chicken and waffles before jumping on the plane.
*started running. really.
*katie moved in a couple doors down. hooray!
*emily and the littles came to my department party. a photo of me and andre became the cover photo for fh5s family section. we're now famous, obviously.
*traveled to bear lake for the ward camp out - or sleep on the floor inside. such a blast to play with these guys and get our raspberry shakes!
*watched karalee as michael jackson. nothing better.
*went to the ingrid michaelson concert with shanti, katie, and shannon. too much fun, but also too much standing.
*traveled to st. george with mom and the smiley's. far too hot. no one should ever go at this time of year. explored the children's museum, hiked around zions for a bit.
*tolton was baptized this year. already 8! such a little man. it's so fun to see him play with britta, now that she's older.
*supported our ward softball team. i'm an amazing cheerleader.
*spotted ty burrell at the slc farmer's market.
*celebrated my birthday with the girls by a dinner at beer bar and dessert at cheesecake factory.
*played around with the littles and became even more obsessed with them. if that was possible.
*celebrated karalee's birthday with breakfast at ruth's diner. love this girl and love watching her and chuck together. so much happiness.
*traveled to st. george to do "our story goes on" at tuachan. what a blessing to do this with them. and with mary jane as my roadtrip buddy? it couldn't possibly have been better.
*traveled to europe for work. traveled to denmark (copenhagen, odense, aalborg, aarhus), sweden (lund, linkoping, stockholm, lulea, orebro), finland (helsinki, turku, vaasa, oulu, rovaniemi) and norway (nordkapp, oslo). visited 4 countries. drove 6,600 km. had 21 meetings. started in denmark with city archives in the west. stayed with torben and his wife just outside copenhagen. ran by the furesoe. watched conference. ate lots of ice cream... drove to sweden, took a ferry to finland and watched old people dance to traditional music, saw the helsinki temple, drove to northern finland, went to the arctic circle and saw the santa claus village, ate reindeer meat, saw the northern lights!, spent the night in inari before starting the trek to nordkapp. too much beauty up there at nordkapp. drove back down through sweden. saw the stockholm temple. got ice cream at my favorite ice cream shop in orebro on our way to oslo. ate indian food because you must. saw gorgeous fall colors everywhere! drove back to copenhagen and i stayed for a few days exploring the city. played with christian (torben's son) and his friends -- going out for food, to see tivoli decked out for halloween, watched a movie, saw the martian, kasper made us dinner, carved a pumpkin. visited some of my favorite places around copenhagen--marble church, saw the copenhagen temple, vor frue kirke, my tree near the kastellet, and ate that salad at heering.
*had dinner with kali. we could've had breakfast since we were there so late talking!
*went to the corn maze with the ward - obviously alyssa, jasmine, and kaite and i were the first ones out since michael jackson led the way.
*traveled to boston with lynde. stayed with angela fisher and visited ben, as promised. saw the historical sights, ate delicious food, had a mini family history vacation in watertown where john whitney lived when he first came to america - visited cemeteries and whitney hill park. went to fenway park, a halloween party (where it was required to dress up as an animal. cat it is), went to louisa may alcotts orchard house, walden pond, and salem (on halloween). there was too much good food, beautiful fall colors and history. it was such a lovely place. and now i've been to boston in the fall.
*traveled to vancouver to visit ferne. this girl is too much. we had far too much fun. got the 3rd degree at immigration, andy picked me up and we met up with ferne at the mall, visited lynn canyon to walk the suspension bridge, but the park was gorgeous! i'm convinced the northwest is the most mystically beautiful place in north america. we played around and drank from the fresh waters, went to the cyprus mountain lookout (which is the perfect spot for an engagement, just sayin), wandered around gastown with andy before we headed to the legion for pool, darts and ping pong. we shopped and had brunch at medina, went to the public market on granville island, and wandered the rainy city before heading to the revel room for some live band and chicken bits, but mostly people watching. went on a 20-mile bike ride in the cold wind around stanley park and the rest of vancouver with andy. it was gorgeous. i love how much there is within such a small area. you are close to whatever you want to experience. the mountains? the beach? downtown? it's amazing. went to the public library and had lunch with andy before heading to the airport. ferne and i had a hot chocolate while we talked.
*had thanksgiving with the family--we ate, played, laughed... it's been a while since we've had that much fun together. what a blessing.
*traveled to guatemala with the kekchi choir. we went to more remote areas where they speak kekchi to put on a fireside for them of christmas songs in kekchi. they only got their hymn book about 3 years ago so these songs in kekchi are new to them. it was such an honor to meet those people and see the life they live. it is so different from mine. although i'm grateful for the luxuries i have in the u.s., they live a simpler life. one that isn't burdened by selfishness. we flew to guatemala and drove to coban, teleman and senahu. from each of those cities, we drove around to nearby villages to visit homes with the branch president -- to sing in their homes. in coban we jumped around puddles in the downpour, ate traditional food and dominos, megan and i slept on chairs one night in fear of bugs, then we braved the bed together, megan, jared, zacc and i went looking for a club and after a miracle, we found el bambu! we wandered through markets, met the people, struggled to communicate, went to a school and mike taught them about music - so fun! my favorite fireside was in chulac--the kids we so fun and everyone was so good to us. they kept offering us food in gratitude. they didn't know that we were the ones who were grateful. while visiting families in seamay, i took my shoes off to get a picture with the kids. those are some of my favorites. they remind me that no matter our nationality, our age, our color, our background, our knowledge, our gender, the lord loves us and knows us all perfectly. we took a ride in the back of a police car - our escorts for the trip. we got on the back of trucks and in the rain rode up the muddy mountain roads for 3 hours until we made it to Yalijux. soaking wet. we ate and then trekked through a muddy corn field for 2 miles to the cave. what a journey to get there! but it was gorgeous. that's life isn't it? mike tried to prepare us, but we didn't know what it would be like. it was a little different for each of us. it was frustrating when i was trying not to get dirty or when i just wanted to be home, dry and warm. but once i embraced it, that frustration went away. this life is not going to be easy. and those times when we think, "i hate that this is so difficult and why does it have to be this way and what did i do to deserve this?" we aren't seeing the big picture. there isn't some magical time in this life when it won't be muddy. we have to forget that and let it be imperfect. satan would have us focus on the "lack" part of our lives in order to prevent us from seeing all the blessings and the beauties along the way and through the trials. it was worth it. i loved seeing so many church buildings on the drive - actual church buildings - 4 of them on that 3 hour drive! the last home we visited was so powerful. the mother had just passed away, a woman mike knew from his mission. i couldn't help but think of my dad as she spoke about her mother. and as i watched the father, weighed down with sadness, i thought of my mother. it's hard enough to lose a parent, but to lose a companion, a best friend, a partner... i can't imagine. i missed him so much and the tears just kept coming. but honestly, i love when that happens. i used to hate it because it happened so frequently that i felt i couldn't do anything else. but feeling emotions that strongly reminds me that i'm alive and that i know what love is. i love him more today, more aware of his weaknesses and imperfections than i did before. at our last fireside, i sat by a christina reyes and another young woman. they both giggled as we tried to practice our pronunciation with them. but christina's spirit was so strong. she stood as a pillar. firm. i loved seeing that.
*got sick at the end of the trip, started getting better, then got the flu, started getting better, then got a cold. my immune system took a hit this month.
*celebrated christmas with the family. christmas is so different now without dad, but every year we try to figure it out. mom, em and i helped the pixies find pajamas, britta got her nails painted, read the christmas story with everyone dressed up (including our little jedi shepherd), played perfect wedding - chris won, made cinnamon rolls.... oh i want one now.... and just enjoyed every minute with my family. it was happier and smoother than i thought. what a blessing!
*was supposed to go to new york, but cancelled the trip since i was sick. and considering how stupid this cold has been, it would've been miserable.
*working on a big presentation at work with our director. another good reason i cancelled new york. it feels so good to contribute to something so important in the progress of this work.
*rang in the new year with alyssa, abby and cassie at the arvo new years eve party. besides the fact that 16+ were invited and it was hot and crowded, it was fun. we're just one year older, and that much more inclined to stay at home and order in indian food to celebrate.

family.
things are going much better. my relationship with my mom is more real and open than it has ever been. during this year, my mom told me she realized our family was broken - from the past and especially since dad passed away. this realization and acceptance is huge for us! but even more than that, she feels a desire and a responsibility to take the lead in healing us. i feel like i'm allowed to not be the mom now. she's got this. it's not my job. things aren't perfect, but there is hope.

friends.
some friends come and go, but some stay true and are worth fighting for. as i look back over this year, i recognize that my closest friends are those with whom i don't spend countless hours with. they aren't my companions. they are my friends, my confidants. over the years, they have proven themselves trustworthy. they love me and believe in me, as i toward them. we don't talk that often, but when we do it's as if no time has passed. i'm grateful for them. i'm grateful for their consistency and their unconditional love and that those relationships push me to change and be better. not because it's required for our friendship, but because they love me and tell me how it is.

job.
this year has been incredible and difficult. after keith and carolyn's retirements i felt very alone and confused by the uk. but it required me to step up and i have. there is still so much to learn, but i feel so much more aware of what needs to happen. the projects i've worked on have also confirmed this to me. this isn't about ego or worth. but it's about confidence. i feel more confident. i allows me to be more honest. it pushes me to step up and figure it out. after jeff was moved to a different team, the same step up has started in the nordic countries. i have to work harder and be more decisive. but i need to let the lord in more to guide his work.

travel.
this has definitely been the year of travel. i've been all over--or at least more than ever before in one year! who could've imagined? this was what i wanted, ever since i was a little girl--to travel for work like my dad. i understand now what he meant about it being more difficult than you would imagine. but it's probably also easier without a family at home. sometimes i joke that this is my consolation prize for not being married. but i actually see it as a great blessing. my understanding of the world, my opinions and beliefs of it and my place in it have grown so much from traveling. i am more aware of what i love, what i believe and through my conversations with others around the world, i gain a greater understanding of what is really happening. i'm not sure why i specifically need these experiences, but they have changed me. they keep me from focusing too much on what is tangible and right in front of me. they broaden my horizons. the trick is to not take the blessing for granted. and i will try hard not to.

what a fantastic year. i'm ready for another one.