regrets.

lately, i've been thinking a lot about regrets. i know i shouldn't dwell on them, but last night as i reflected on the past year and what i wanted from this year, my mind kept bringing up regrets from the past year. i allowed them in and pondered about them. my conclusion? at least in my case, these regrets help me make plans for this new year. the things that i regret are things i don't want to regret again.

this isn't about focusing on all the bad of the past year. this is about recognizing and accepting that there were choices i made that i shouldn't have and i don't want to make again. there were things i didn't do that i should've. not because everything would be drastically different and my life would be perfect, but because i wouldn't have these lingering questions, these what ifs.

one of my biggest regrets was my lack of focus on the important things. i always felt as though i was playing catch-up. i didn't have the energy or the time to ponder the greater significance about what was happening because i wasn't in tune with myself--where i was, what i needed, what i was looking for. the year flew by without me recognizing my learning along the way. i did learn and grow, but i wasn't always actively participating in the growth. 

i think we all regret certain choices we made. but what ifs are another story. i have a lot of them. i try not to think about them. but as i pondered about them yesterday i realized a trend. i don't let go in the moment. i'm too analytical about decisions, particularly with relationships, that i choose to run away in the moment. unfortunately, those moments don't always come around again. they must be seized in that moment. some of them may be mistakes, but at least i won't wonder.

these regrets do not define me. but they help define how i want this year to be different from the last.